And they were negative. In my heart of hearts, I knew this but taking that news was very difficult today. My mom picked me up and took me for bloodwork and then we went out to breakfast and did some shopping. I got the call around 11:30 am. I called Charley just moments later (as soon as I could compose myself). We were both speechless. I knew it was going to be negative, but nothing could of prepared me to hear it said to me and know it was true. I'll be honest, I've spent most of today crying or trying not to cry. While shopping I ran into an old friend who has a little one and now has a another on the way. I'm guessing the father isn't in the picture and I'm not sure if the 2 kids even have the same father. Here, we were supposed to do everything right. We got married, got college degrees, built a house, and then tried for children. Instead, we were given this path. Neither of us understand this. This entire year has aged us. It has aged our minds, our bodies, and most importantly..our hearts. We've grown dramatically from all this, but it does NOT make any of it any easier. We are certainly more appreciative of things, but we're still struggling to understand why. We're both rather speechless and Charley is at work tonight so we haven't had a real opportunity to reflect on the situation. As much as I've said I don't want to go through this whole IVF process (because it's emotionally and physically draining - more than anyone would understand enless you've done IVF yourself), I'm already prepared to start again. I was too upset to ask any questions on the phone today. All I was able to ask is if they could call me in some birth control pills for when I start my period because everytime I stim..I get cysts. The nurse did that for me, so once I start my period.. I'll be back on Birth Control Pills. After Charley & I are able to talk more and we're on the same page (I'm sure we will be), I will probably call Dr. Gentry's office on Monday morning and find out "what's next?" I assume we'll meet with Dr. Gentry this time to discuss what needs to be done differently. This is all very difficult. I haven't really blamed myself, but I know I'm the reason that I can't make Charley a father...and that weighs heavily on your mind. I know he still loves me no matter what, but when you grow up always wanting a family and to be a mother..and then you face this.. there is just no words. No words to explain how I feel or how Charley feels. We'll get through this. We just ask that those around us be sympathetic to our feelings at this time. Please understand this is a really hard time for us. And please don't judge us on any decisions we make that may seem irrational to you. We must find a way to cope at this point.