Well, I guess I'm going to need to get a little more creative with headlines.  Everyday in the NICU is another amazing day and another big day.

First, let me talk about little Reagan.  Even though she is gone, she will always be our daughter and please don't forget that.  That's about all we can ask.  I'll never be upset to talk about her.  I may tear up from time to time, but alot of those tears are happy tears along with sad tears.  Happy because I know just how beautiful she was and sad because I know I have lost her future with her.  But, she's in Heaven waiting for us.  She was our first blessing in our life.  By all technicality, she was our first born and she is Addy's big sister.  And, without her, we may have not had our little Addy here with us at all.  So, we are forever grateful for such a beautiful little fighter.  It is truly a unique feeling to say we have an angel in Heaven.

Anyway, it seems the link to her obituary will be gone as of today because it was listed only Sunday and Monday, so I am posting it here:

Burge, Reagan Dawn	View/Sign Guest Book
Infant Reagan Dawn Burge of Newburgh went to be with the Lord on August 2, 2007, at St. Mary's Medical Hospital. Reagan is survived by her parents, Charles "Charley" and Kaycie (Bayer) Burge; twin sister, Addison Maria Burge; grandparents, Joe and Maria Bayer of Newburgh, Lisa (Burge) and Danny Hale of Belton, Ky., and the late Donald Burge; great-grandparents, Juanita Adams of Newburgh and Nancy Bayer of Evansville; uncles, Danny and wife, Lila (Cates) Bayer, of Evansville, Steven and wife, Tera Bayer, of Newburgh, Casey and wife, Jessie Burge, of Madisonville, Ky., Corey and wife, Amanda Burge, of Madisonville, Ky., and Chesley and wife, Lauren Burge, of Madisonville, Ky.; cousins, Trenton and Clayton Bayer of Newburgh, Colby, Caleb, Alyssa and Cheyenne Burge of Madisonville, Ky.; and many great-aunts, uncles and second cousins. Services 6 p.m. Wednesday, August 8, 2007, at Alexander Newburgh Chapel, officiated by Pastor Kevin Morris, burial in Rose Hill Cemetery in Newburgh. Friends may visit Wednesday from 2 to 6 p.m. at the funeral home. Memorial contributions may be made to the Reagan Dawn Burge Memorial Fund at Integra Bank. Condolences may be made online at www.mem.com. Arrangements by Alexander Newburgh Chapel, 5333 State Road 261, Newburgh, IN 47630.

Other questions that have been asked of us are local florists and her memorial fund location.  I think we are completely unaware of how many people her little life touched.  Reagan will forever be remembered as the little girl who fought to live and proved statistics wrong.  She will forever be remembered as the Addy's angel and sissy and how she lived just long enough to show us her beautiful eyes and just long enough to give her sister the best fighting chance she could ask for.  She is a miracle in so many ways and we are so touched by the emails, comments, messages, and thoughts and prayers that every has offered us.  But, like I said, the distanced her little heart has traveled and touched people is beyond what we would of ever thought and so I thought I would list the following information for those who need the answers as we've received several requests already...

Local Florists if you are interested in sending something.
Zeidler's Florist
Schnuck's Floral

To make contributions to her memorial fund, you can mail those to:
Integra Bank - Newburgh Branch
Reagan Dawn Burge Memorial Fund
7833 Highway 66
Newburgh, Indiana 47630
812-853-3327
You can call for questions, the Newburgh branch knows us personally, and they were even very kind to send us some flowers while I was in the hospital.  Their thoughts and prayers have been with us since our 15week diagnosis of Reagan's obstruction.

Again, thank you for everything..everyone... Our daughter's life is being celebrated in the most beautiful way imaginable.  She feels all of your love and prayers in Heaven... and knowing that so many care about her, her sister, and us... makes this grieving process so much more bearable.


NOW! Onto little Addy!  And, I do mean little!  I just cannot get over how tiny, yet big she is for 30 weeks.  Every baby in my family is pretty much a 9lb baby and Addy was 3lbs!  Her weight on Sunday was 2lb 14.2ounces and her jaundice level was 8.3.  Today, her weight was 2lb 12 ounces and her jaundice level 8.8.  But, that's all normal as she just started feeds yesterday and when they start feeds, her liver starts functioning and causes her levels to go up a bit and her weight should start to gain tomorrow or Wednesday.

We went and saw her before we got discharged today.  I really thought it would be harder on me than it was, but I've handled it well.  Yet, I'm focused on Reagan and her funeral right now too, so that may be my distraction.  I'm sure I'll break down in there eventually, but I get so excited to just see and touch her.  I'm not scared of the NICU or the NICU experience and I think all my medical problems have prepared me for this.  Everyone else sees all these babies hooked up to numerous machine and it looks scary, but me.. I see all these little fighters..little miracles.. and their moms and dads.. and how much love their nurses give them each day.

Because we were being discharged, and it was a 1/2 hour before her feeding time, they said it was time we got to hold her again.  Oh, I get the biggest grin ever when I get to cuddle my little girl.  And, the nurse told us today, don't be afraid to pass her back and forth when you have her.  That was so nice because those reassuring comments mean we are allowed to parent back there even though it's kind of hard sometimes.  So, Charley and I sat there and passed her back and forth.  It was Daddy's first time to hold her..and his hands are just huge next to her!  Oh, it broke my heart.. seeing her in Daddy's arms.  We're in so much trouble.  He's so good with her.  And, Addy loves her daddy.. she settled a lot quicker with him than she did me.  Her oxygen levels were great.  At one point she had a little trouble and Charley still freaks over the monitors, whereas I just sort of find different positions and stay fairly calm trying to get her to do what she needs to do.  He is just a protective daddy that worries about this little girl.. and that is very special to see.  But, anyway, I took her back and had to sort of straighten her airway out a little so she could get some deep breaths.  She did fine.  Her oxygen had to be turned up a little, but she's certainly content in my arms and her daddy's.  He can literally put 2 handles next to each other and hold her.  She is that little.

We left as they started her feed and we went back to get all the discharge orders and pack up the room.  That wasn't bad at all.  Of course, all my "baby" discharge orders mean squat right now, but the nurse filled me in a little.  Dr. Auth had come in before we went to the NICU and talked to us in depth about everything, including grieving.  She said we need to be each others accountability partners right now and agree that if one of us notices something different about each other that we need to act on it and agree to act on it.  She said it could take months to grieve and told us that no matter what we want to do..to attend the SHARE organization walks and such in remembrance of Reagan.  It was comforting to hear all this.  After the NICU and the nurse doing the discharge orders... I got my staples out.  I was scared to death about that thinking it would hurt and it barely pinched.  I think I can officially say that the c-section was easier than the IVF process.  (And, no, I'm not fibbing that one and even Dr. Auth said that's likely).  We packed everything up and I got wheeled out by my tech.  It was a little hard seeing that most people are carrying their baby with them and I had Addy & Reagan's teddy bears and Reagan's memory box with her dress, blanket, hairbow, pictures, and Addy's pictures as well.  I just held onto it tight and reminded myself that Addy is going to be out of there in no time and it's time to focus on little Reagan for a little bit.  We still have many little details to figure out.  And, just FYI on me (as I realized today I haven't said much about me), I'm doing well.  My incision looks good, my bowels started working early this morning, and my Remicade is Thursday.  My only issue is that my hemoglobins (should be 12-15) were 10.4 on Tuesday last week.  I got told to eat red meat, and that wasnt an issue because I was still pregnant.  Well, after surgery, my hemoglobin went to 9.  Anything lower and I'll likely need a blood transfusion.  They'll check me Thursday at my Remicade and if it's not rising or it's lower, we'll probably talk to my GI and get recommendations.  Dr. Auth didn't seem terribly concerned either way because she knows I'll take care of it.

Anyway, we stopped and got lunch to go, went to the pharmacy, and went to the shop to get a picture of the sign.  My mom had Tera, my sister-in-law, post it up on the sign for us.  It was bittersweet to see their names up there.  Bittersweet to see my daughters are real..  We then headed home.  I ate and quickly fell asleep.  Charley had a meeting to go to at 7, so my dad came over and stayed with me for a while and then my dad and I headed back to the NICU.  It was perfect timing.  Mary was Addy's nurse tonight and we got there at 8 and her next feed was at 9.  Those NICU nurses have spoiled us up there..and probably because she's doing so well.  We got to watch her get a bath and the nurse talked about what she did the whole time so we can start doing those things with her instead of the nurses.  Before her bath, I got to take her temperature.  Makes me feel like a mommy when I get to do those things.  She has a little sore under her right arm from some of the tape, so I started temping there and the nurse had me switch sides in case it made a difference.  She stayed calm the whole time.  She just knows it's me..such an amazing feeling.  They just used water and cotton balls on her face.  Cleaned out her eyes, her nose, and her mouth.  Then, they undid her diaper and put some baby wash on her little parts and then took cotton balls and rubbed her clean and removed all her wires and wiped her down good.  She was pissed at this point!   Cold and screaming.  My dad heard her cry and I was just grinning... so good to hear that cry.. and I kept telling her she just needs to tell that nurse to quit being mean.. But, her nurse was super sweet!  (And 10 days away from her due date). 

They then took her out of her isolette and weighed her.  She was 2lbs 12ounces and calmed down.  They had her swaddler pillow in there and her diaper, so they just laid her straight on it.  Then, I put her diaper on for her.  We still have to fold down her diaper about 1/2 way because she's still so tiny.  She is Preemie-size Small (they make micro-preemie, Preemie Small and Preemie Large).  They scooched her down to tuck her legs into the fetal position in her swaddler and then moved everything and her back to her isolette.  They put all knew monitors on her and got her wrapped back up and warm.  They put a hat on her and put her in a blanket and then let me hold her.  The nurse said "Technically, they get 30 minutes out of the bili lights, so we still have a few minutes left and you might as well hold her."    It was for about 10 minutes, and I was beaming.  My dad got such a good look at her and he was amazed with her too.  At the end, I asked my dad if he wanted to hold her and he looked at me like.."Oh, no..I can't"  Then, Mary walked up from behind me at that exact time and said.. "Oh, you need to hold her."  She knew he was grandpa and that Reagan and Addy were his 1st granddaughters.  Dad held her for a few minutes and it was amazing again.  Just like Charley..he has those big ol' hands and swallowed her whole.  Addy was comfy in Papa's hands too.  She's certainly wrapped the men in her life!!!  (Not sure I mentioned, but my sister-in-law, Tera (whom I'm close to), and my brother, Steven, got to sneak a few minutes at her.  And, we're in trouble!  She's got her Uncle Stevie wrapped around her pinky toe too!! He still talks about how tiny she is...and Tera is just in heaven..  I think between myself, my mom, and Tera..this little girl may never wear the same outfit twice.)

My dad left shortly after and Charley had just arrived so he scrubbed in and we sat and watched her eat until around 9:30 and left.  We got dinner on the way home and we've slept downstairs tonight.  Things are way messy..and I can't wait to get up and moving a little better to sort through all this stuff.  We've slept downstairs this morning too.  I'll do the stairs later when I need a shower..  just trying to make a list of things I need so I only take one or 2 trips a day up the stairs.

Here are some photos from today.  I'm sure I'll have more to post tonight.  Oh, and we are going to stay in a parent care room after Reagan's funeral on Wednesday too.  Mary noted in Addy's chart to tell the Wednesday night nurse that we need to hold Addy and cuddle her on Wednesday.  They are taking such good care of us.  We'll be there through the night Wednesday to be next to our little girl as much as needed.  I could literally sleep in the rocker next to her isolette..and I won't surprise myself if I do.  I have to return the next morning for Remicade, so it works out just fine.







This is REALLY blurry!  But, it give you a good perception of size...