4 months ago today Reagan entered the world, and Addy followed 3 minutes later.  WOW!  What a 4 months it has been.  In fact, as I went to post this and I checked the timestamp on this post.. it said "10:40pm."  So, I started this post exactly 4 months from the date AND time of Reagan's last breathe.  At about 11:45pm, Dr. Vincent, Addy & Reagan's admitting Neo came into recovery to tell us all of what was going on.  I remember the day so vividly sometimes.  I never want to forget a single detail.  I remember when it was decided the girls were coming right then and there that I just yelped "I'm not ready!"  And, then in the OR when Dr. Vincent was giving us our options with Reagan "I don't think she's going to survive Mom & Dad.  It's pretty bad and I've not seen anything like this.  I'd be more than happy to take her back to the NICU and try and give her a chance of a better ventilator (an oscillator) and let her decide what to do."  We looked at him speechless and finally he decided for us.. he took both girls back and gave Reagan a fighting chance.  And, the truth of the whole story?  You are never ready for anything in life truthfully and you are never ready to lose a child.  No matter how prepared we made ourselves for the situation, we would of never been ready to lose her.  Even if it was a scheduled c-section and we KNEW what time and when and where they'd be born and that Reagan wouldn't live long, we would of never been ready...  I sometimes wish I stayed pregnant longer so I could of spent more time with her, but then I cautiously remind myself.. "You are never ready for something like that."

It was a horribly rainy day, so I decided to put her grave blanket together.  Charley & I and Addy are going to take it up to the cemetery tomorrow.  It's really pretty and full of colors.  I'll post pics of that once we do it.  And, we celebrated Addy's 4 month birthday with a mommy-daughter day.  I held her a lot cause she is still quite fussy from her 4 month shots on Friday. 

But it's been a good day!

Addy had her 4 month check-up on Friday and weighed in a whopping 9lb 11.5oz and 21 1/2in long!  So much for a preemie!   She had her 4 month shots and she's playing catch-up on one of them, so she got an extra and she was NOT happy.  The evening wasn't horrible, but the night she was up every 45min to an hour.  Then, on Saturday, she literally slept the entire day.  Ate only about 10 ounces of formula (usually eats 20), and was up for about 4 hours over last night with daddy.  We finally got her back on a semi schedule right now and she ate a bit more today.  But, she did lose a little weight.  She now weighs 9lb 10.2oz, but she'll make up for that..I'm sure.  We tried everything to get her to eat on Saturday and it just didn't happen.  Then, this morning, she puked so much she covered my pants and I had to change.  But, it's 11pm and she's had her last bottle, bath, and is now in bed.  So, hopefully she's back on a little bit of a schedule.  Of course, as I typed that her eyes popped opened!

Anyway, my baby girl is growing up!   Here's some fun milestones and facts for her 4 month bday:
*She smiles ALL the time!
*She just started cooing and trying to talk.  It's so cute!
*She still fits quite nicely in size Newborn (technically 5-8lbs, but for some reason they still fit well).
*She LOVES lights!  Her favorite toys are her Rainforest Mobile by Fisher Price and her Baby Einstein Play Mat (but just the light up detachable star!)
*She LOVES her hands now and finds them and sucks on them while she falls asleep.  We still say she's gonna be a thumb-sucker! (That's okay..mommy was too and her teeth were fine! )
*She came home eating a mere 11-12 ounces of formula and is now eating 18-21ounces!
*She has gained 6lb 9.8oz and has grown 5.25inches since birth and 4lb 5.8oz and grown 3inches since she left the NICU.
*She has been out of the NICU for 69 days (Nov 17th marked that she was out of the NICU as long as she was in the NICU - 54 days!)
*She makes fist and will sometimes reach out and hit a toy, yet she's not sure what she's doing just yet.
*She has pretty darn good head control! And, can almost sit in her bumbo!
*Her doc said developmentally, she's doing just fine!

Anyway, here are some photos! 

This is SERIOUSLY how she likes to sleep in her bouncer!  She slept like this in my mom's office for about 2 1/2 hours one day!  So, now, she gets strapped in.  She LOVES bouncers!!! But, at nighttime, she sleeps in her bassinet.


Our beautiful baby girl on Thanksgiving!  What a blessing we have!!!!


The shirt says it all!  Despite all of our struggles and losing Reagan, she is still absolutely worth all the waits!  Worth the wait infertility wise, worth the wait pregnancy wise, and worth the wait NICU wise...


Addy's Christmas tree! Yes, she has one! LOL!  It's 4ft tall and all white and baby pink! SUPER cute!!


Reagan's Ornament


Addy's ornament


Addy's stocking! Mommy & Daddy already put a little teddy bear in there for her!


Okay, picture with the adorable pink santa hat..TAKE 1


Picture with the santa hat - TAKE 2 - 2nd verse, same as the 1st!  (Beginning to think she hates this hat!)  Maybe she's just making up for lost time?  A quiet baby in the NICU and a LOUD baby at home!


And, just a quick pick of her in her santa oufit..super cute if I say so myself!