I knew this time would come.. but never sure when.  It took us forever to figure out if we were supposed to pick up the certificates for the girls are have them sent.  To be honest, we could of cared less for the last few months...

Well, Charley had some time off, so he went and got all of the certificates... And,

In my left hand I held this...


And, in my right hand I held this...


And...

It still doesn't feel real.  Or does it?  I really hate that her birth certificate is marked deceased.  I wonder if they'd issue one that didn't say that?  I mean, we didn't even have a chance to get one that didn't say deceased. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does.  Addy's is of course just like Reagan's birth certificate, but her's doesn't have deceased stamped across it.

I wondered if these things would help.  I don't think they have.. which makes me wonder where I'm at in the whole *grieving* process.  Who knows?  This is just a rambling post.  Not even sure where it's going.  It's a bit difficult, to say the least, to formalize it in this way.

On a side note, her headstone is almost ready.  We approved the preliminary designs today and they will start the engraving.  Then, we'll check everything over and it'll be ready to set.  I think it turned out great and I really cannot wait to share it with everyone.  They are thinking maybe setting it in February still....

...maybe that's the closure I need?  Or, maybe the closure has come and gone? 

I still wonder how you grieve and celebrate at the same time... 6 months later.. it still doesn't make sense...