A few months ago I was standing in my mom's office and she showed me a slip of paper without telling me anything.  I started reading it and quickly realized she had established a memorial scholarship for Reagan.  A smile quickly appeared on my face, quickly.  How neat is this? 

The scholarship is for a program at my alumni high school, Castle High School.  The program is called "Dollars for Scholars (DFS)."  Ironically, I was a recipient of a DFS Scholarship when I graduated in 2000.

We were contacted by the senior counselor who helped us pick a recipient for the award.  We didn't know the persons name until we arrived, but we were allowed to know a little about her.

When we were asked how we wanted the scholarship awarded, it was difficult.  We asked that they find a female that was interested in majoring in something related to children and whom had a difficult situation they had overcome in their time at Castle High School.  We weren't worried if they didn't major in something with children, as we realized that was a bit specific.

It didn't take long, and the counselor called us back.  They found a young lady.  Her father had battled cancer for 5 years.  She, apparently, wasn't high enough up on the stack academically wise, so, otherwise, she wouldn't be receiving a scholarship.  THAT made me feel good.  We didn't want it solely based on academics alone.  We wanted them to do well in school, but that wasn't a requirement, per se.  It just reminded me so much of Reagan.  Not sure why, maybe just because so many doctors put Reagan in this "category" just because they were sure she wouldn't live.  And, here, this young lady, so many put her in this "category" just because she didn't have a 3.5 or higher GPA.  It just felt right.

The next step was, did we want to present the scholarship?  We bounced this idea back and forth in our heads, and then Charley said he wanted to.  So, we did.  I'm glad we did.

We had to be at the high school (wow, what a memory!  I graduated 8 years ago!) at 6:30.  My Crohn's acted up and Addy refused a nap, but it all worked out.  We had to wait almost 2 hours before we presented Reagan's scholarship, so we sat in the audience until it was time and Addy didn't make a peep.  In fact, she took a LONG nap on me while we waited.  And, we walked to the back of the stage and about 3 or 4 people before we presented, I woke her up and you couldn't of seen a happier baby!  In fact, she kept giggling behind the curtain everytime I looked at her.  The senior counselor just adored her and many of the teachers remembered Charley from when he taught at Castle High School for a few years as the English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher.  So, it was a wonderful situation.

I should back up a bit though!

Before we even went into the audience to sit and watch, we ran into some special people.  First, we ran into an old classmate of mine.  We knew each other more from elementary school then anything.  But, she's expecting a little girl in 4 months, so we had a good chat!  Secondly, we ran into Dacia Spears' family.  Some of you might know who Dacia is.  Dacia and I were rather close when we were in elementary school and and we drifted through the years, but we knew who each other was even with the distance in high school.  She was killed in a car accident during her junior year in the fall.  I won't forget that morning.  It was a Friday morning and the accident happened on Thursday evening.  I remember getting ready that morning for school wondering who was even going to be at school and what it was going to be like.  How do you go back to normal life when a peer dies?  It sounded so odd, because, frankly, it was.  I arrived at school, and one of Dacia's closest friends happened to be in my 1st period class.  You could tell her eyes hadn't be dry in a long while.  I just sat and looked at her.  Tears whelmed in my eyes too, but never did I cry like some.  Then again, I'm not a huge crier.  Eventually, the teacher asked her if she'd like to excuse herself to the counselor's office, and she did.  We sat in a solace most the day.  Teachers tried to teach, but it was semi-pointless.  That Friday evening was supposed to be homecoming, but it was postponed.  Dacia was a popular girl with an amazing spirit and a beautiful smile.  She had a huge heart.  At 16, none of us understood why it was her "turn."

What is even more ironic is when we went to pick out Reagan's plot, we happened to pick a local cemetery because we wanted her "close."  We struggled with this.  We didn't want to just leave our daughter in the cemetery, but we couldn't imagine cremating her either.  Although, I have a newfound respect for cremation.  I understand why people chose this now, especially for their children.  What's ironic, is I said this to Dacia's mom, and she told me.. "I felt the same way."  It's hard to believe that I can relate to someone that is old enough to be my mother.  It's amazing this common ground you share once you lose a child, no matter the age.  Anyway, the guy at the cemetery kept showing us to this backlot area for Reagan's plot.  I just wasn't happy.  I was so doped up on pain meds, I just had major surgery 4 days before and here I am walking around the cemetery.  My mom saw it on my face and immediately asked "Where's Dacia buried at?"  The guy knew who she was and quickly showed us to her resting place.  It was beautiful.  I had never been there, but I have now.  He then looked on his plot map and said, "Well, here's Dacia, and then they have 3 plots to the right of her, and then, well, there are 6 plots available to the right of her."  It never felt more perfect.  We took them.  And, now, Reagan, our beautiful baby girl, is resting close to a dear friend who was never able to have children, yet loved children.  I felt that Dacia could look after my baby girl until I could get to Heaven to do so myself.  It was a sense of calm.  It felt right, and it was.  I think Dacia's mom thought that was amazing, and I told her that everytime I walk past Dacia's grave, I always pick up her pinwheel and fix her flag and then take care of Reagan's grave.  I talk to both of them.  There is just a sense of peace about the whole situation.  It was probably my greatest fear while pregnant, "How do I leave her in a cemetery?"  And, now I know....  Divine intervention at it's best.

Anyway, we went on stage to present the scholarship.  Addy was all giggles and had her purple daisy bow on and her purple Easter dress (yes, it's 3-6 months and STILL fits great!) and the entire audience gave an overwhelming "AWWW!!!!!!!"  Charley carried her and I did the speaking.  I could hear him trying to keep it together behind me as I read what I wrote, but it was wonderful. Here is what I said....

I thought that's the response we'd get (in response to the AWW for Addy).

(People giggled.)

My name is Kaycie Bayer Burge and this is my husband Charley and our 9 month old daughter Addison.

Nine months ago, my husband and I became parents to twin girls, Addison & Reagan.  A short 1 hour and 27 minutes later, our firstborn daughter Reagan passed away due to a very rare condition they had discovered while I was pregnant 3 months earlier.  Reagan overcame many obstacles, including surgery before she was even born, and for 3 months, she gave our entire family a dose of hope.

The requirements for this scholarship are not based solely on academic achievement.  This scholarship will be awarded to a female who has overcome obstacles in their time here at Castle High School despite what life has given them.  Just like our daughter Reagan offered us a dose of hope and overcame obstacles before she was even born, we hope this scholarship will give someone else HOPE for the future and what may be in store.

Our daughter will never be able to sit where you sit tonight, but her memory and her spirit will live here through this scholarship. 

As a class of 2000 graduate of Castle High School and in memory of our daughter Reagan, I am proud to present this scholarship to Jessica Claypool.

She was a beautiful girl and thanked us.  We told her congratulations and you could just tell this was one of the most meaningful scholarships of the evening.  Everyone listened.  Everyone awwed at Addy and everyone sighed when we told our story.  We were invited back next year as well and we hope we will be blessed to do so.  It is my hope that Addy will be able to help us award this scholarship in the future. 

And, just for the record, Addy was the only little girl who got to present last night!   Talk about special.  And, yes, she ate up the attention.  All of it!

Here are a few pictures.  One of Addy & Daddy just inside the school and the other is a picture of the picture of Jessica Claypool.  We weren't allowed time to get pictures.  They gave away over 2 million $s in scholarships and the awards night lasted somewhere around 3-4 hours, so no time for photos. 

A few other interesting pieces of info:
We were 13th on the list of DFS presenters (Yes, that "3" theme keeps coming back!)
We gave away a $300 scholarship.
Today, marked EXACTLY 9 1/2 months ago that we lost our sweet Reagan and met both our beautiful girls.

God is Good.